…never allow anyone to project their insecurities onto you, because they will, but only if you allow it. ~Guide to Living an Authentic Life
Going through life sometimes feels like an obstacle course to me. It can be challenging navigating the complexities of fellow human beings. We are all individuals, each having our own thoughts, emotions, and ways of being. Yet, even though we are individuals, we have to find ways to coexist with one another in harmony. And honestly, as human beings, there are many times that we fail to accomplish this harmonious state. You can see this by looking at human interactions all around you, and by taking a walk through the pages of any world history book. And while there isn’t a lot that we may be able to necessarily change on a macro level, we can make things better in the parts of life that we have control over, namingly ourselves.
Most of us have all heard the saying and quote: the way that someone treats you is about them, not about you. And while we may know that this is true, it just doesn’t feel like it’s not about us. At least for me it doesn’t. Oftentimes, it can be something about you, something that you are saying, or doing, that triggers an insecurity in them.
I wish that I could sit here and write that I am completely unbothered by other people’s bad behaviors, but I can’t. Yes, I can say that I have improved tremendously from where I once was, but it can still require some effort and intention, for me to not be bothered.
For years, particularly when I was younger, the things that other people did, and said, greatly impacted me. As I grew older, I came to understand that I was internalizing other people’s bad behaviors. Essentially, I was making their issues mine. And unfortunately, this was my reality for many years.
It all changed one day, when the Lord spoke to my heart in a way that made perfect sense to me.
Imagine your life being represented as a house with a yard. And, as the owner of this house and yard, you work hard every day to diligently maintain your property to the best of your abilities. Now imagine if the people that lived around you just came and dumped their trash onto your yard. They have created a toxic state, in your life, by their trash. This is the equivalent of you internalizing other people’s problems and insecurities.
This analogy helped me to identify toxicity, and to begin the process of setting up boundaries against it.
And on the flip side, I certainly don’t want to dump my trash onto someone else’s yard either. This is why I’m such a big advocate of authenticity and intentional living. We must have an awareness of ourselves, our behaviors, and respect for those around us.
The saying is hurting people hurt other people. Well, I say: stop hurting other people because you are messed up on the inside, and deal with your own issues. Just because someone treated you badly, does not mean that you have to reciprocate that to others. If you did not like being treated badly, then why would you want to treat someone else that way? Seek out the help that you need, and be willing to do the work.
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12
This is why I write. I believe that by sharing and by communicating our life stories, and experiences, that something that we say may help someone else.
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